is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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