TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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