I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
