all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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