Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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