in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
