if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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