True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
