Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
