Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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