I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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