i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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