I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
