I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
