How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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