Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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