She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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