We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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