if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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