i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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