i jhust puked up my retainher.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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