Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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