he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
