Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
