Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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