Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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