so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
