The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
