I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
