Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
