So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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