So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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