I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
