He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
