Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
