I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
