woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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