Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
