They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
