Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
