Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I could make wine with my vomit
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
