you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
