I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
