If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
