Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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