So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
