Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
