Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
