my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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