shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Randomize
