Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
