So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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