she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
